Noah in Australia

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia, and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.' He gave Noah the plans, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the Unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. 'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?'

'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Shire Council for a decision. Then Energy Australia demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the balance of the local ecological system. I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from extinction - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA prosecuted me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. The traffic authorities said it would take six months after completion of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed. Then the DPI ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until I had arranged and conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Fair Trading group on how many 'Stolen generation' persons I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The State Government has insisted that I provide them with a list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are not from the non designated group. UNIONS say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, ATO seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.'

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord. 'The Australian Government has beaten me to it.'

I have just spent a couple of weeks attempting to find out if I it's permissable to get the floorboards polished in my laundry, so I have some sympathy for the contemporary Noah. If you'd like to share an amusing "planning" or "logistics" story, here's the place to do it!!!

I'm happy to have your prayers as I pack up enormous amounts of stuff in order to get most of the floorboards polished next week... gahh, what have I done?????