The next "Survivor" series

I received this email today... a pilot for a television series.

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday, or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries. Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches. Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas. Each man must adorn himself with jewellery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep his nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings, but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00 am. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctors, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better. They must have a loving age-appropriate reply to: "You're not the boss of me."

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

(Sally Morgenthaller explained the hypothesis last night that men have fewer connections between the right and left hemispheres of their brains, so... on average... have greater trouble with multi-tasking than women. So perhaps this scenario really would involve a "survivor-style" level of difficulty! What do you think?)

Comments

Linda said…
Hey Janet,
I loved Sally's message and her gentle persona. I couldn't get to the event today...although I considered a quick trip into town...but husband needed to use my car.

Take care mate, and I hope you're enjoying my little book!
Luv Linda
Janet Woodlock said…
Mmmm... sadly it's been one of those weeks... so I haven't really digested the little book yet! (Or done urgent paper work for that matter).

I did get to hear quite a lot from Sally yesterday as well as on Wednesday... in fact I'd have to say she was one of those people whose views on ministry I completely resonate with... it's so refreshing to hear someone whose passion is that which brings life... authenticity and engaging in your unique gifts and life passions... joining in with what God is doing, rather than seeing institutional church structure as the main game.

That's so condensed it probably barely makes sense, so I plan to blog about some of her reflections in more detail. But I have a boring assignment to do first, alas.

Love to you... I hope you're having a good day.
Matt Stone said…
Multitasking, whots that? My wife refuses to talk to me while I am doing something else because she knows I am incapable of listening if I am. Smart woman. On the flip side, with split hemispheres I can achieve levels of singular concentration that leave her in awe ... or maybe not :-)
Janet Woodlock said…
My husband and I fit this pattern Matt... I enjoy variety, I seem to be able to do a lot of different things, and I can relax into activities that just involve "flow" (like raising children)... he is extremely productive and focused and logical... terrific at things I'm not good at (like finishing anything!!!!)

One can't stereotype excessively though... according to that marvellous research work (ahem) "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" in around 10 % of couples the "typical" behaviour patterns they describe are reversed (eg a highly intuitive man drawn to a highly focused woman can display the relational dynmanics of a "typical" male-female couple)

I say that with a grain of salt... I haven't seenm any such assertions in the Scientific American, New Scientist, Nature, etc!

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